Thursday, October 7, 2010

Who cares!

You know, these nasty comments don't really bother me that much. I chose to leave my blogs open, and I chose to be brutally honest, so I get the know-it-all comments a lot! 

I would love for these people to fly over here for a few weeks, and then open their mouths and make a comment again. Its not like we are in Paris, or London, where people speak English and there are a lot of Americans there.  I have seen two American missionaries here in her region, and that is it! Nobody else speaks English, which makes everything much more difficult.

And for some clarifications for the judger's who speak when they don't know the process... we are not leaving her here and flying home for the weekend. First of all, I'm not going to do a full day of flights, just to be home for a few days and come back. Second, and again brutally honest, I don't know if I could come back after going home! We were hoping to get our court date Friday, so that we could leave Saturday to come home. And the reason we are leaving her here is not us, its the system. They have a 10 day waiting period after court, which MOST families fly home during. So we fly home for the 10 days, and then Ray and his dad are going back to pick her up, and I'm staying home with the boys. We hate to leave her here, but we have no other choice, and I know she is well taken care of at her orphanage. 

Yes, I will be going home to my comfy house, and so will she soon. We are fortunate Americans, and we will definitely appreciate what we have a lot more when we get home. So you can't tell me that you wouldn't want to go back to your comfy home either! Because I know that would be a flat out lie!

I'm not depressed, because really depression is something long lasting, I'm homesick. And it is hard sitting in a tiny room, with no toys, and play with a baby for two hours. We just want her home to play with. We are trying to teach her to laugh, she is very stoic. She is not used to be tickled, or playing paddycake. She's just never done those things. Just wait until her brothers get a hold of her, she'll learn real quick! She is always falling asleep on us, again, not used to being cuddled. But we can't let her sleep, so we are constantly trying to keep her awake. Man, its difficult sometimes!

Interpol is in, but it still needs to go to the SDA. So we are here another weekend, with court (tenativelly) scheduled for Monday. I think we are going to go to the hotel tomorrow for the weekend. Just because they have bowling, and pool, so we can keep ourselves busy while we wait. A getaway within a getaway! (Although I wouldn't call this whole trip a getaway!)


  1. You shouldn't have to defend yourself. I applaud your honesty. It won't be much longer... :-)

  2. Hand in there and keep positive! She is worth everything that you have to go through and someday, she will love you all the more for that! We are still praying!

  3. I'm glad that you are standing up to whomever is making such nasty comments. You are doing an amazing thing by adopting her and not only that, but you are having to leave your boys at home and worry about them constantly! I can't imagine having a child with such significant medical needs and being able to take on the challenge of adoption and then add international adoption on top of that! You are amazing and are a wonderful mother! I will continue to pray for you and your family and hope that the Monday court date sticks so you both can come back to your boys for a while before picking her up for good. Hang in there...the end is nearing!!!!

  4. Hope you enjoy your best as you possibly can! Give your sweet girl a squeeze from me! I love looking at the pictures of her....she is such a honey! Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!

  5. Lots of prayers going up, and hopes that you will find wonderful ways to spend your weekend.

    We just started our journey down the road to adopting in Ukraine. Your honesty has really been wonderful!!! It helps to undstand all sides of the process!!

    Keep smiling...once you get her home, this will all be a memory!!!

  6. I can't imagine what you are going through. It's not as if you are on a vacation. You are doing a wonderful thing and something so very stressful. I admire you and the other families that go to these countries for their children. I feel sick just thinking about leaving my children for that amount of time. Add to that a medically fragile child. Your feelings are prefectly normal. I'm so sorry that people feel the need to make such insensitive comments. Hang on, the end is near. She is such a cutie.

  7. I hope you can find some enjoyment at the hotel. I'm glad you can share your honesty of how homesick you are because if you didn't say how much you missed your boys,you would be getting negative comments about that as well. Just have to brush off your shoulder of the negative, keep your head up, and keep loving on that baby girl of yours. You are almost there. Do they really have no toys for you to play with while at your visit??

  8. Lacey,

    I just returned home from UA and let me tell you something, it was HARD!!!! I did not put much thought into it before we left, but staying over there day after day, trying to entertain the boys with pure air while all the people were constantly watching us, it was AWFUL. Many, many nights I just wanted to run and get on the next plane out of there. My husband was much calmer and much more patient, and that is probably while we made it through. I had two teenagers at home, both healthy, and still was a total wreck, so I can only imagine how you feel being away from your precious babes being so young and fragile. BTW-Jaxon is sooo cute (my Caden reminds me so much of him). There are always idiots in every crowd, so just ignore them and lean where you need to lean and try to just survive. I went back with my 15 year old son to pick them up and I thought it would be easier, but it still wasn't. Just know that you are so close to being done and then you can look back and laugh (hopefully)....Good luck and I will be praying for you.

    Stephanie Carmichael

  9. Cyber Bullying at it's ugliest! I believe there's a term "Troll".

    Makayla is incredibly beautiful and what a blessed family you are.

    Whenever I find myself in a difficult situation, I console myself with the fact that I will learn something from this experience, and I focus on all the ways the experience has made me STRONGER!

    Blessings and My Best


  10. Good for you Lacey!! I hope you two can make it a nice little vacation weekend!! You deserve it. :) Hugs and prayers!! Hey, we might even get to meet over there... :)

  11. Oh my gosh ... I don't check in for a day or two,due to drama here,that I will fill you on later and look what I find ... nasty people who feel,for some reason it is their right to even interject one opinion,about something they know nothing about.And more importantly,do not know you or Ray.

    Well I do and you are doing the best you can in the most stressful of situations and I for one,and a whole lot of other people,from all the other comments that were left,are extremely proud of you.

    Almost there my friend.the finish line.Hang tight.Hang tough and let the negativity roll right off those strong shoulders of yours.

    Much love and prayers as you continue this last leg of your amazing selfless journey.

  12. Lacey, you're awesome. I hope you are able to relax a bit while bowling and hanging out in the pool. :) I will pray that your court date Monday comes quickly for you. I know that you would swoop that darling girl up in a SECOND and take her home TODAY if you could. The idiots commenting don't know YOU. They don't know Ray. They don't know your heart. You know my thoughts ... eff em. ;)

  13. ((Hugs)) I'm thinking about you guys. I know how much you miss your boys, so please don't explain.

  14. The person that asked if you even wanted this baby girl just doesnt get it does she?? I had a horrible time in the Ukraine. I felt very very guilty because ALL I could think about was my toher children I left back home. I was very very homesick, but not one person EVER JUDGED me because of that, What nerve!! Has this person ever adopted before. If so, I wonder if they left their other kids for such a long time and then stayed during the 10 day waiting period. I had to come home, I could not stand it. I knew the babies in the Ukraine were well cared for and that they would be forever mine soon enough. It was my other kids that needed me, that felt left and abandonded by me. You are doing good, God knows your heart and your love. You only need to think about him and how he feels. Praying for you to not be so homesick, It will pass very soon and all be over and you will be a happy family back at home. These other people need to get off your blog if they don't like what you are doing. This is a hard enough time for you obviously, you don't need people like that making it worse!!

  15. I think you are getting fly by negative commenters is because you are complaining a lot when you and your husband were the ones who chose to adopt abroad. You KNOW it's like a third world country and you KNOW you can't speak the language. Yes, be homesick, but don't complain. This is how adoption abroad is! Like most adoptive parents say, "it's not for the faint-hearted".

  16. Hang in there - in a couple of weeks you will all be home together as a family and this will be a distant memory.

  17. Oh Lacey - I'm hoping for Monday! And then home! Hang in there my friend!

  18. I have been a reader for about 6 months. I love your blog and honestly can't imagine what anyone would have negative to say about you! You are a strong woman who has handled everything with grace and dignity! I love your blog and just melt over Jax! Your family is gaining one beautiful little girl and I am so happy for you all!

  19. You are an amazing mother. Your care and understanding of Jax is one for the record books.

    But makayla needs your full attention now. The fact that you are falling on the "homesick" and "I don't know anyone here" is rather sad. Obviously you don't know anyone. Obviously no one speaks the language.

    Did you expect this to be some mini vacation? Some getaway from it all?

    And is it really so hard? Considering what makayla must live through each day....are you really bemoaning your place?

    I find that sad too.

    You still state that it is "hard" to be with this child.

    The judge is an outside observer, and as an outside observer I can tell you...I question your commitment and love.

    I am also quite put-out by your "It's not home" attitude. Yes, it's not home. But when you decided to take this child in, I would hope that you also would take all that it involved.

    Ovviously you don't want to take the responsibility. You are "homesick"

    Kids in college get homesick. They miss there mom and dad and siblings.

    A woman who is trying to adopt a child...a child who's very life rests on her heart and shoulder...that woman should at, the very least, pull up her boots and LIVE with the homesickness...know that it will end...but also know that full commitment is imperative.

    Please, serioulsy think before you take this child in.

  20. Hey Lacey - Praying like crazy for you and Ray and for this whole process to be over ASAP. I would be the same way - homesick and missing my kids like crazy - happens all the time even just for weekend trips away. Totally normal for someone who truly loves her children! God is with you and He is with your boys - never forget that. Blessings to you and your family.
    Maureen C

  21. I had to say again that I really do not think that the people that keep saying you should not be complaing have any right to say that. I really wonder if they have even adopted. Yes, It is the greatist gift, and yes, we KNOW we can not speak the language. ITS NOT ABOUT THAT!!
    I adopted 3 babies from the Ukraine in Jan. Looking back at my blog I complained the entire time as well. I needed people to hear me and how I was dealing with my time there so that I could have other people cheer me on and reassure me that it was all going to be ok. Thats what the blog is for. It is for people to read about OUR LIFE, AND OUR JOURNEY. If people dont like the complaining then they need to move on to someone elses happy cheerful go lucky blog. Life is not always perfect and happy so we can not always write about perfect things. We are honest and truthful. When we were over in the IUkraine I missed my other kids so bad that is made my trip soooo hard. I knew what we were doing there was important, but I just wanted it to be over and have them home. So the people that can not even put their names on the comments can not say DONT COMPLAIN, that they knew what they were getting into. Cheer them on, boost them up, Tell them its almost over and they are doing great. Tell them that you are praying for them. This is a very hard time for some people. If you do not like what you are reading move on to another blog. They do not need these nasty comments when they are already so depressed and homesick. Shame on you guys for making this even harder!!!!!

  22. Oh, good grief, people - harshly critical people, that is. Can't you show some compassion for someone who's clearly feeling very much like a fish out of water, yet who is persevering in her adoption journey? Yes, clearly some people suffer more from homesickness than do others. Perhaps you critics are able to suck it up, view it all as an adventure, backburner very serious home concerns and obligations, etc. Not everyone has these abilities, so why not offer constructive suggestions and support, rather than being condescending and undercutting someone who's obviously feeling fragile and in an alien place? What possible good can such criticisms do at this stage - or any stage, for that matter?? Why not be understanding, supportive and encouraging instead?

    Lacey, I'm sorry you've had such a tough time and am glad to see your latest post sounds well, spunkier than some of the previous ones. Remember those heroes and heroines of all the fairy tales had to overcome dragons, climb glass mountains, and use their wits and courage and patience to win through to the happily ever after ending. You are not unlike them, and your reward is going to be far better than theirs: you get a real live beautiful princess, not just the magical version, who will bless your family by becoming your very real, forever daughter.

    So view your current hardships are trials of faith and determination, hang in there, and you'll win through. There is beauty and goodness in such a struggle, as well as in such a place, and I hope you'll see and find both.

    Very best wishes from
    Susan in Ky
    Cousin to Two from Ukraine

  23. I adopted. I was i Ukraine for over a month. I have three children at home. One who has SMA. It was extremely hard for me to leave. I was homesick.

    However, i also knew that the child I was adopting needed me. I needed to push aside my own selfish feeling for her. My children did miss me..but goodness! They were home!! My own selfish desires to hear the language and know familiar face were just that..selfish!!
    Your great desire to not be there to voice your suppot for this child during the court date makes me wonder too if you should adopt.

  24. I would delete the comments from the person who has nothing better to do than write mean and spiteful things. It is your blog and they do not deserve to be on it.

  25. This is one part of 'bloggy land' that I don't like.
    But I suppose if I'm going to put stuff out there for everyone in the world to read, then I have to expect some feedback that I don't like.
    But, I'm the type that it would just eat away at me....and I'd probably go private.

    Everyone has an opinion.....but it doesn't ALWAYS have to be shared ;)


  26. I agree!! And you do not have to be there if you feel like you need to be with your other kids at home. People are leaving all these comments here and saying they don't know if you should adopt, but Im sure they don't even know your entire story. You have a fragile little boy at home that has been sick since you have been there. That would make me crazy, any mom at that. If any mom thinks they could just sit in the Ukraine and not want to go home and be with their sick child at home, then they are the ones that should have never been able to adopt!!

  27. Even though the nasty commenters don't have any idea what you are going through (neither do I!), it still must be hard to hear. I hope things move quickly so you can get home for a bit.

  28. Seriously Lacey DELETE those NASTY COMMENTS, these are IGNORANT people and they do not deserve anyone reading their comments (I won't get that time back..LOL) You are still my hero, I wish I could do what you and Ray are doing!!

  29. Ah, Lacey.....

    I reread my comment from yesterday and I so hope you didn't think I was doubting your love, choices or anything else in anyway!

    I was just trying to sincerely give you encourage you to keep on keeping on even through it is so rough right now.

    I KNOW how much you want this little girl, how much you love your boys and how you worry about Jax.

    Tammy and Parker

  30. Try not to acknowledge them Lacey, that is what they want, you don't have to defend yourself. This is a person's journal it doesn't matter if the person has only negative feelings because of what they are going through right now, it's their right to write them as they want.

  31. Just remember you have more supporters than negative influences. Your little girl will be so lucky when she finally gets home. Time always has and always will be one of the worst things we deal with!! =) GODS Blessings to you and your family...Remember Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy, no matter who doesn't like it!! GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

  32. Lacey,
    I think that you are an amazing mom. I can not even imagine how hard it must be to leave your boys at home and go to a foreign country! I only hope that I can be as good a mom to my little guy with DS as you are to Jax and will be to this cute new addition.
    Ashley Doxey